Herman Dagwood#3: Employee of the Month
There is literally shit on his face. It takes a millisecond for this to register, and during that millisecond, Garth Brooks sings to him about his friends in low places. Herman wonders what has just happened and why everyone is laughing. The millisecond passes, the smell hits his nose, and he pukes his guts out [...]
“Dad I need 700 dollars….I made a mistake. ”
“I’m sure I have it. Seriously. It’ll just take me a second.” My friend, “John”, fumbles in his pockets, desperately looking for change. He knows he has a quarter, or a dime and it just keeps slipping out of his hands. His haste is not helped by the two goons standing behind him, who refuse [...]
Herman Dagwood Saga#2: Acid Helps You Time Travel
Time travel with me, back to 1996. Herman is 17 years old, and the glory days of his Colony of Losers is about to pass. We are not the only ones time traveling. Musician and madman Eel has become unstuck in time. In an apartment lit by a lava lamp, he walks in circles – [...]
Herman Dagwood Saga#1: Irritating Quest To Save A Friend’s Life
It was a ten-minute walk to reach our friend’s apartment to find out whether or not he was still alive. It was a long ten minutes. Sunshine reflected off of Hermit’s aviator shades on the first beautiful day of a new summer. At five in the morning he’d been sent a text message that read [...]
Polyamorous Poet: Shit-talking is a human right!
On the night of the last show, when I agreed to play with the poly-amorous anarchist, two alcoholics plotted his demise on different sides of town. The plans weren’t clever or diabolical, but as simplistic as the rage of men who drank 26ers and believed in the justice of their cause. A few weeks earlier [...]
Call Center Hell: The Final 5
In the winter of 2007 my time was split between the call center and playing open mics with a polyamorous anarchist with a penchant for self-promotion. During the day I would sell phone sets. During the evenings I would hock blind eyed idealism. At work I spent my time with “Jason”. Jason was the son [...]

